their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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