I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
