I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
