seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
