your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
