My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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