If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
