You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize