My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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