Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
it's like iHOP with fire
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
