She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
