listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
