I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
