I feel great
I just peed on a car
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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