Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
