an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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