My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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