Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
