her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
