Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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