cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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