I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
