he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
