it wasn't lemon gatorade
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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