I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
