Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
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We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
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How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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