Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm getting married
To pizza
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
