Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
