She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
