Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
