i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
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Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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