Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
