Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
