ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
