And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
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We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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