I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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