I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
