and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.