I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.