dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal