just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching