It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.