I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
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the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
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We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect