I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
