you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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