I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
