So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
