Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
