I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
