Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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