i don't plan on having that self control this summer
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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