Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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