I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
