Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize