if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
