I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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