Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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