well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
