I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
