i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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