Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
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It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
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I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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