i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
you had me at cake vodka
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My life is pants optional.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
