why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
