This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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