so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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