my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize