Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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