I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
