We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
