I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
